#NoBibsBurpsBottles: My Authentic Childfree Life

  Instead of trying to convince those who don’t want kids to become parents, we should be grateful that more people are questioning their desire or ability to take on the journey of parenthood. Those who are not sure whether they want children are proceeding with caution. Child-free by choice people, like me, have slammed on the brakes altogether. I think society will be better for it.       As a 27-year-old childfree woman, family, friends and even strangers have interrogated me as to why I’ve chosen not to parent. These questions are often disguised as wanting to understand your position but usually precede a statement aimed at changing your mind. As if being posed with the question, “What if you regret not having kids when you’re 60?” will unravel years of research, therapy, soul searching and whatever other factors led to your decision to not have children.       I for one would rather wake up 30 years from now and regret not having child...

               Being Childfree has soo many perks! Most of the Childfree Besties will mention freedom, time to themselves or their spouses, clean homes, extra sleep, and extra spending money as the main benefits. I agree with all of those, but for me, the biggest benefit is the time I get to spend with my parents. I grew up with both my parents. We were a close-knit family, and I was well loved by them both. Of course, as a teen and young adult, my parents were not my favorite people to be around (all those “stupid” rules). In my mind, they were getting in my way of me spreading my little ignorant wings. As a woman closer to 40 than not, I now have a much deeper appreciation of my parents. We differ on several topics, and I have diverted from the plan I’m sure they envisioned for me as a child, but what can I say? I do my own thing! They have watched (likely through partially shielded eyes) as I have navigated my way around adulthood and gr...

The pressure for women to have children transcends cultural, ethnic, and racial lines. Terms like legacy, fruitfulness, family unit, matriarchy, and even the opposing connotations like barrenness and the dreaded patriarchy are easily understood in every culture. The translation and application may be different, but the message is clear: Women should have children to progress humanity. Even with discussions about overpopulation, poverty, and cultural conflicts, women are still expected to gratefully accept some man’s sperm into her body and produce at least one baby. Depending on your living situation, a child represents your life insurance policy, estate planning, and your retirement plan. As a Black woman, I have no doubt felt the pressure to have children. Whether it is because I should promote my culture and pass along traditions and history or because I should be afraid of dying alone, children are expected. Over the years, I have gone back and forth on the desire to have childre...

Happy New Year and welcome to my first blog post!  I have decided to step out on faith and start this journey of writing my thoughts and feelings about being a 40+ something, single, unmarried, Black, professional woman without children! Yep, that's me!  My goals are to provide a space for older women to share openly and honestly their feelings about not having children (for whatever the reason), offer some humor to different stories and scenarios on not having children, and provide thought-provoking questions and content on what it means to be a part of this unique club.  Please don't judge me just yet! I am not a mom hater!  I do like kids (sometimes, lol).  I have come to the conclusion that there are many women just like me who are not mothers and that NOT having the title of "Mother", "Mama", "Mommie" or "Ma" can mean something spoken and unspoken to society, family, friends, colleagues, and potential intimate partners. My uncer...