Here, I share my feelings and thoughts about being a 40+, single, unmarried, Black professional, childfree woman. I am part of a unique and steadily increasing; yet, often forgotten club! I will share my truth with a touch of humor! I am wonderfully made, living my best childfree life - and I am sharing this life with you!
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What Do the Lonely Do at Christmas?
Christmas just ain’t Christmas without the one
you love.This is the time of year where
every urban radio station across the country plays the old school urban holiday
classics by Donny Hathaway, The O’Jays, The Emotions, and let’s not forget
the romantic chiller, “Let It Snow”, by Boyz to Men and Brian McKnight. Songs
of love, family, and children laughing is what Christmas is all about, right? I
agree, but I also have a slightly different narrative to share.
I truly enjoy my solitude. There is nothing
like laying down on my couch, covered from head to toe with my plush blanket,
candles flickering, Egyptian Musk incense burning; and looking at a cheesy
movie or binge watching“Law and Order:
SVU”.I love me some Sgt. Olivia Benson!Solitude is not loneliness, although many
confuse the two.I have experienced
both.When I am mindful of my solitude,
I experience calmness, curiosity, and a lazy state of mind like no other. There
is peace in this space. However, when I get lonely, life gets very hard.I feel disconnected from God, tears of
uncertainty flow, self-doubt occupies my mind, and I am so much more aware of
my pinned up sexual energy, lol.
Some people avoid solitude by any means
necessary because it brings forth so much discomfort. Despite being an INFJ (my
personality type), I am often mistaken for being a social butterfly. Yes, I occasionally
enjoy the company of others and I love to travel and experience new things.I often try to push myself past the outer
limits of my own fear, anxiety, and comfort zone. Yet, I have something to admit.I sometimes feel like I am missing something
that I can't quite put my finger on or even explain easily. It is something about the holiday season,
specifically Christmas time, that makes me want to scream aloud, “I should not
be alone!” There is such a strong emphasis on family and children during the
holidays. Every commercial displays the perfect mom, dad, and two children,
shopping for holiday gifts. There is a plethora of toy drives because every
child on Christmas should feel the excitement of opening a gift. Let us not
forget the anticipation of everyone waiting patiently to see the new bundle of
joy that will continue the family tree.
I am very fortunate to have the love and
support from my immediate family, and I often try to either be with my parents
or my sister and nephew during the holidays. However, when I pause and truly
think about it, it hits me all at once that it is just ME (and My
LenniBoi). I am a family of ME! I am a family of one. I do not have a spouse or
partner. I do not have children. Christmas equals children, family, and gifts.
The focus on it all is heavy at times. I
recall having so many great childhood memories of being at my grandparent’s
home in North Carolina, alongside my many cousins. We would receive all kinds
of gifts, but most importantly, we received an abundance of love! The feelings
I felt then, I have not been able to recreate in this lifetime. I wonder if it
is because I do not have a family or children of my own.Maybe.What I do know is that this time of year women like me are often forgotten about. I think the O’Jays got it wrong.Christmas IS Christmas without the one you
love. A positive outlook and reframe goes a long way! In addition, what is the
answer to The Emotions class song, “What Do the Lonely Do at Christmas”?Well, we enjoy our solitude, travel out of
the country, run a 5K, do community service, engage in some QT with extended family and friends, or write a blog post,
lol.No need to stay stuck in loneliness.
I’m waiting for the day when tis the season to be jolly is an intentional
holiday commercial featuring black girl magic of women who are single, fierce, fabulous,
and childfree! Sweet home alone is a wonderful state of mind! Yeah, I may not
have children, a partner or even the traditional family of my own this holiday
season.Nevertheless, I also know many
who would love to trade places and occupy my space all year around, lol. Sacred
solitude is the gift I give to you this season. Let those jingle bells rock! Happy
Holidays and Happy New Year!
***Please take the time to leave a comment below. I appreciate the feedback!***
So, it may be strange for a childfree sistah like myself to write about the personal business of a mother who I do not know. This story just blew me away so I figured I would write out my thoughts. I recently learned about Myka Stauffer, a social media influencer, from Ohio, who recently “rehomed” her Asian, special needs son, Huxley. She adopted him 3 years ago. If you are not familiar with the story, you can certainly learn all about Myka online. She is being drug all over social media for “giving up on her son.” Many people take issue with Myka because people tend to believe you “rehome a pet” and not a child. So I will keep it 100. I never heard of Myka Stauffer until this “breaking news.” A white woman, married, with children of her own, decides to adopt internationally, an Asian, autistic, son. Myka and her husband released a statement that her son, Huxley, was now too much to handle and that he was better off living with a new family. This comes AFTER blo
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