What Do the Lonely Do at Christmas?

Christmas just ain’t Christmas without the one you love.  This is the time of year where every urban radio station across the country plays the old school urban holiday classics by Donny Hathaway, The O’Jays, The Emotions, and let’s not forget the romantic chiller, “Let It Snow”, by Boyz to Men and Brian McKnight. Songs of love, family, and children laughing is what Christmas is all about, right? I agree, but I also have a slightly different narrative to share.

I truly enjoy my solitude. There is nothing like laying down on my couch, covered from head to toe with my plush blanket, candles flickering, Egyptian Musk incense burning; and looking at a cheesy movie or binge watching  “Law and Order: SVU”.  I love me some Sgt. Olivia Benson!  Solitude is not loneliness, although many confuse the two.  I have experienced both.  When I am mindful of my solitude, I experience calmness, curiosity, and a lazy state of mind like no other. There is peace in this space. However, when I get lonely, life gets very hard.  I feel disconnected from God, tears of uncertainty flow, self-doubt occupies my mind, and I am so much more aware of my pinned up sexual energy, lol.

Some people avoid solitude by any means necessary because it brings forth so much discomfort. Despite being an INFJ (my personality type), I am often mistaken for being a social butterfly. Yes, I occasionally enjoy the company of others and I love to travel and experience new things.  I often try to push myself past the outer limits of my own fear, anxiety, and comfort zone. Yet, I have something to admit.  I sometimes feel like I am missing something that I can't quite put my finger on or even explain easily.  It is something about the holiday season, specifically Christmas time, that makes me want to scream aloud, “I should not be alone!” There is such a strong emphasis on family and children during the holidays. Every commercial displays the perfect mom, dad, and two children, shopping for holiday gifts. There is a plethora of toy drives because every child on Christmas should feel the excitement of opening a gift. Let us not forget the anticipation of everyone waiting patiently to see the new bundle of joy that will continue the family tree. 

I am very fortunate to have the love and support from my immediate family, and I often try to either be with my parents or my sister and nephew during the holidays. However, when I pause and truly think about it, it hits me all at once that it is just ME (and My LenniBoi). I am a family of ME! I am a family of one. I do not have a spouse or partner. I do not have children. Christmas equals children, family, and gifts. The focus on it all is heavy at times.  I recall having so many great childhood memories of being at my grandparent’s home in North Carolina, alongside my many cousins. We would receive all kinds of gifts, but most importantly, we received an abundance of love! The feelings I felt then, I have not been able to recreate in this lifetime. I wonder if it is because I do not have a family or children of my own.  Maybe.  What I do know is that this time of year women like me are often forgotten about. I think the O’Jays got it wrong.  Christmas IS Christmas without the one you love. A positive outlook and reframe goes a long way!  In addition, what is the answer to The Emotions class song, “What Do the Lonely Do at Christmas”?  Well, we enjoy our solitude, travel out of the country,  run a 5K, do community service, engage in some QT with extended family and friends, or write a blog post, lol.  No need to stay stuck in loneliness. I’m waiting for the day when tis the season to be jolly is an intentional holiday commercial featuring black girl magic of women who are single, fierce, fabulous, and childfree! Sweet home alone is a wonderful state of mind! Yeah, I may not have children, a partner or even the traditional family of my own this holiday season.  Nevertheless, I also know many who would love to trade places and occupy my space all year around, lol. Sacred solitude is the gift I give to you this season. Let those jingle bells rock! Happy Holidays and Happy New Year!

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